Something to remember

When I tested for my black belt freshman year of high school, I learned how to push myself to my limit--then go beyond that. I somehow developed a willpower so strong that it overtook my physical weaknesses. I need to return to that mindset now. Stop thinking, just do it. Keep going and going and when you shut down, ignore it.

Argh

Argh argh argh argh argh argh argh argh!

Argh!

I want to light a fire and watch it burn.

Boom

So I think I have reached one of those points where I have so much to do, with so much at stake, and no time in which to do it. There is no way I can do all of these things at the level that I should. It is impossible. I am not panicking, because I dont think I really have the ability to panic, but it still disturbs me. But, one way or the other, everything will be resolved--either through failure, success, or some half-assed attempt at success--and everything will return to normal. And then it will be on to the next wave, and the next, but thats how it goes so I dont mind.

Pop! goes the weasel

Advice I would give my freshman self if I were to go back in time as a ghost

Join Siggraph
Watch those grades
Go to the library and study every now and then
Stop being a creeper in the corner and actually talk to people
Get a new wardrobe/Brush your hair/Get better makeup--that drug store business isnt fooling anyone
Save your dining dollars and buy an ABP gift card
Work for Norm
Get to know the Indians

You can have your 80 degree weather

I will take my freezing cold and boring city and roommate buddy and go have some bumbling fun.

My dream

I had a dream that everyone--the vague "everyone" of Dreamland--was taken somewhere by a bunch of armed guards to be killed and eaten. We were being covered in plastic wrap and put in boxes and loaded in trucks. I found Seth Rogen in a box and asked if I could share it with him. He didnt say anything, probably because of the plastic wrap. I went into the box anyway. I started talking to him during the ride (I was not covered in plastic wrap), because talking comforted me, but he never replied. I realized that he was probably taking the time to think his last thoughts, and I was interrupting. I felt bad.

In the end, I turned into a yellow sparrow and somehow saved everyone with golf carts.

I still feel bad about annoying Seth Rogen.

I WILL

get a job.
become better at dancing.
wake up before 12 every day.
stop wasting time.
try to have a more exciting life.

This is what Hell looks like

Nothing. I took out the image of Hell because I was starting to see pentagrams and the number 666 everywhere. Also, because I realized that if you click on the picture, you see a zoomed up version, and thats just a little too much detail, thank you very much.

It is technically not Tuesday anymore

so I am technically not a loser for posting twice.

So I finally finished the horror that is my self portrait for Digital Figure Modeling. Making it was harrowing--the last thing I wanted was everyone in the art lab (mostly architecture students at the time of night I usually work) seeing a bald, grey, unmade-up version of myself all zoomed in and gross, and me fiddling around with my ears or something. But, in the end, I think I enjoyed it. Aside from the funky, dead-looking cartoon eyes that come from my not knowing how to use a ramp shader, the thing actually looks like me. It is a heavily airbrushed (Scott disapproved), frowning, oily, strung out monstrosity of a head, but its me all right. When we had our crit today, I was half possessed with intense discomfort--somehow I had the illusion that my smallness obscures my features, and people would gasp at the truth revealed by blowing my face up x20 on the big screen--but I was also just a tad proud. Brutal as the reality may be, there is something fulfilling about successfully recreating it and presenting it in all its unfettered, ugly glory.

Also, the texture I made for it will haunt my dreams for years to come.

Naoto Hattori

I recently discovered this Tokyo/New York-based artist whose cute url is just the tip of the iceberg of his charm. His work is odd, trippy, and somewhat nightmare-inducing. Fun all around, and worth checking out.