Why I can never keep up with the trends

I always get fixated on some particular items of clothing that I see other people wear that I really really want, but by the time I get around to actually shopping for them, they are out of fashion and no longer available.

Also, why am I only ever in a really good mood when it is detrimental to me? I am sick, I have a shitload of work to do, everything that was due this week is now late, I have skipped a ton of mandatory classes, and yet I am fluttering about with a big, idiotic grin on my face and with no motivation to do anything but stare happily at my fingers.

It must be the drugs.

Over the course of two days of shirking all responsibility (at a time when I should be working the hardest) I have successfully managed to extract all sheets from my bed and onto the floor, developed a barking seal-cough in record time, and slept about 20 hours a day. On the plus side, I have also discovered that tea tree oil, while it smells vaguely poisonous, is an excellent spot treatment for acne =).

Black belt testing

I suddenly remember the day I tested for my black belt. We had our Tae kwon do portion and our physical portion. I was given a blue bracelet to wear during the physical portion because of my asthma, intended to place me in a lower-intensity group. I tore it off and joined the normal group, and while we were doing army crawls my pants kept sliding down.

I just had a moment of revelation--I wish I could live on the East Coast. I like the city atmosphere, I like the fact that I'll be close to a bunch of my college friends, I like the fact that every state is driving distance from the next, I like the existence of actual seasons, I like the fashion, the crowds, the rudeness, the culture, the diversity, the dancing. And I think, more than anything, I like the memories that I've made here and the people that I've met. California is beautiful with its pleasant weather, amicable population, and highways that are wide and scenic and go on forever. But it's home, and with that title comes the claustrophobic sense of comfort and monotony that it implies. It's my personal limbo, where no risks are taken, nothing ever happens, and like generic elevator jazz, it swallows me with its emptiness and drives me insane.

Hmph

!

Bah. Another thrilling Friday night at home doing nothing but laundry and ramen-making. What a valuable way to spend one of the last few weekends here. Maybe it's time to add it to the list of things that I pretend do not bother me.

Skulked around deviantart today in hopes that jealousy would propel me into action. It did not, and somehow lead me to look up various twinning deformities on Wikipedia for about 3 hours so that I am now not only unproductive, but also jealous and scarred for life.

After a brief self-inspection

in the art building bathroom, I realized... I had something stuck in my teeth all of samba rehearsal! Eww! Apologies to all who had to witness this. Also, I really need to whiten my teeth. They're not brown, just splotchy. Quite splotchy. And, I have concluded that although my new eyebrows are better than before, they do like to fluff about at every provocation.

I have a sudden inclination to remember what it was like to be a child. I wish I could remember the unwarranted but deeply seeded belief that I could make my own decisions, the hurt refusal to accept things I didn't understand, the desperate desire to live the glamorous lives of others. I wish I could not only remember that, but respect it, because as your life gets richer and more complicated and you see the darker side of growing up, it's easy to dismiss those naive longings. You forget that the same things you see and feel every day seem--to some--so exciting and wild and beautiful.

"There is inside me (and with sadness I have seen it in others) a knot of cruelty borne by the stream of love."

From The Scarlet Ibis by James Hurst

Words cannot describe

how much I love this picture. The bright colors of the birds, the fat puffiness of the male next to the female (I am merely speculating at gender, of course), the sweet and tender pose, the way the out of the focus leaf in the foreground lends a sense of voyeurism to the image... I know that the birds really feel nothing for each other, or for anything at all, and in all likelihood the leaning head was a split-second spasm, but even so I can't help succumbing to the warm-and-fuzzies.

Ramping up

The second half of the semester is going to present a lot of deadlines, and with the alluring but rather disconcerting prospect of actual industry legitimacy dangling in front of us, this means a lot less "Alles Was Zahlt" and a lot more Alles Was SIG Lab. Plus, the Last Show Ever and the Last Competition Ever bring with them the Last Chance Ever to prove to this side of the country (and to myself) that my shuffling around and tripping over my feet can potentially amount to something. Not to mention the thought of only six weeks left to spend with the best friends I've ever had and possibly ever will have (and the corresponding impending loneliness).

Siighh... I long for the days when the end of everything seemed so far away.

Someone I didn't know

in the computer lab talked to me today. Maybe it was because I inadvertently scratched his hand while trying to clear my trash from his side of the table. I should assault strangers more often.

Never plan ahead

After a long and tempestuous romance with my Banana Leaf leftovers, I am finally finished and stuffed to the brim. So much for taking care of lunch for tomorrow.

Also, I am apparently either pregnant or a teenage boy because 5 of my last 6 posts have been about food.

Revelation

Just had a supreme vision: tater tots with pepper jack. Am I a genius?

Yes.

I have spent the last 25 minutes

trying to find a way to voice my thoughts in a manner that does not sound naive, bitter, or overly abstract.

But, I am not a poet nor am I important enough to have real problems. So instead here is a picture of some hot legs:

Pepsi

is better than Coke. Funny, I would have fancied myself a Coke girl.

Doing mentoring tomorrow. I am making a pilgrimage downtown for the sole purpose of buying a pair of opaque leggings in which to display my ass during the class. My hope is to assemble an outfit snazzy enough to distract the newbies from my poor teaching abilities.